One of the first books to dive deeply into the question of love, community, and how not having a supportive social structure is worse for your health than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.
Eye-opening.
TRANSCRIPT
Hey, everyone. Get ready for a deep dive, and this one’s a doozy. Oh, it’s a good one. We’re talking love, intimacy.
The good stuff.
And how they connect to survival.
Literally, survival.
Yeah, you heard that right. We’re cracking open Dean Ornish’s love and survival. Classic. It’s packed with research and stories that suggest love isn’t just good for the soul, it might actually help you live longer.
It really makes you think differently about health. We’re so used to focusing on diet, exercise, genetics.
The usual suspects.
Right, but Ornish is saying, “Hold on, love and intimacy belong in that picture too. They’re major players.”
That’s a bold statement. So right out of the gate, Ornish hits us with this study, the Multicenter Lifestyle Demonstration Project.
Okay, yeah.
They found that almost 80% of patients ready for bypass surgery could avoid it completely.
Seriously.
Just by shifting their lifestyle and focusing on love and intimacy.
No way.
And get this, they saved about $30,000 per patient in medical costs.
That’s incredible. What’s the catch?
Right. It makes you wonder what’s really going on here.
It shows you how powerful this stuff is. We’re not just talking about feeling warm and fuzzy inside. This is having a real impact.
So are you saying loneliness can actually be harmful to our health?
That’s what Ornish is getting at with what he calls emotional and spiritual heart disease. It’s loneliness, isolation, that feeling of being disconnected.
Being alone in a crowded room.
Exactly. And he’s saying, “It hurts us in ways we’re just starting to understand.” I mean, think about it.
It’s like a different kind of heart problem.
Right. And when you see the breakdown of those close-knit communities, families, even just neighborhoods.
And now everyone’s on their phones all the time.
Makes you wonder if we’re really connecting in ways that matter.
Makes you think. And for Ornish, this isn’t just some theory. He talks about finding success in his own life. But still feeling empty until he really prioritized love and intimacy.
Yeah. He gets really personal about it, which I think is important. It shows this is something we all struggle with.
For sure.
So, let’s get into some of the research. There are so many studies in this book, it’s mind-blowing. What were some of the ones that stood out to you?
Well, one that always gets me is the Rosado study.
What was that one again?
So, there was this Italian-American community, Rosado, Pennsylvania, and they had shockingly low rates of heart attacks.
Okay.
Way lower than the national average. But then over time, their social ties started to weaken.
People moved away, that sort of thing.
Exactly. And guess what happened? Their heart attack rates shot up. They matched the national average.
So, it’s like their strong community was protecting them somehow.
That’s the idea. And this whole connection health thing, it’s not a one-off. You see it in other studies too. Like the Tecumseh study, they followed a bunch of men, and the guys with strong social connections, they were way less likely to die during the study. Interesting. And get this, being socially isolated, it actually tripled their risk of dying.
Tripled. That’s huge. Are there any studies that look at this across different cultures?
There’s a fascinating one, the Nihon-San study. It looked at Japanese men, but they were living in three different places, Japan, Hawaii, and California.
Okay. So, same background, different environments.
Right. And the men living in California had the highest rates of heart disease, even though their lifestyles and diets were pretty similar to the Japanese men in Japan and Hawaii.
So, what was different?
You guessed it. Social connection and support. The men in California, they were more isolated.
It’s like a recurring theme, isn’t it? Lack of connection, poorer health. It makes you wonder if this is bigger than just one community or culture. Maybe it’s a fundamental human need.
Exactly. It really highlights the impact of our social environment on our well-being.
And it’s not just heart attacks we’re talking about here, right? Ornish says socially isolated folks have a two to five times higher risk of premature death from all causes.
That’s a scary thought.
That’s a really scary thought. It really highlights that this isn’t just about living longer, it’s about the quality of life we’re living.
Living a full life, right?
Exactly, a full life. And there’s this one study I have to ask you about, the one with the arguing couples. It just blows my mind that arguing all the time can actually weaken your immune system.
Even after years of marriage, right?
Yeah, even after years and years, it seems wild.
It’s pretty amazing. This research from Janice and Ronald Glaser found that even when you account for other things that might mess with your immune system.
Like stress from work or whatever. Exactly.
It seems like that constant conflict, that tension, it really takes a toll on your body.
So even if you think you’re used to it, your body is like, nope.
Pretty much. Our bodies are way more in tune with our emotions than we give them credit for. And just like those negative vibes can drag us down, positive interactions can really lift us up.
So does that mean positive interactions actually boost your immunity?
That’s what the research suggests. There’s this study where students wrote about loving relationships, supportive friendships, that kind of thing, and their immune antibodies actually increased.
It’s amazing how powerful our minds are, how they can impact our physical health.
And speaking of powerful connections, we touched on support groups earlier. Ornish mentions this study where breast cancer patients who were in support groups, they lived twice as long as the patients who weren’t.
I know, right? That’s huge. It’s like, what’s going on there?
Yeah. What is it about these groups that makes such a difference?
Well, Ornish talks about this work by Dr. David Spiegel, and it’s really groundbreaking. He found that support groups, they offer this space to heal from isolation. You can be vulnerable, you can share your experiences, and people get it. You feel heard.
So it’s not just about being around people, it’s about the quality of those connections.
Exactly. It’s about being seen and accepted for who you truly are.
Makes sense. So how do we actually create these deeper connections in our lives? Ornish talks about communication, right?
Yeah. He has some practical advice. Like he talks about identifying your feelings, sharing them, listening to others, and really acknowledging what they’re going through.
It sounds simple, but I bet it’s harder than it seems.
He even suggests this exercise where you close your eyes and feel the difference between saying, “I feel angry,” and saying, “I feel that you.”
It helps you see how we project our feelings onto others. Oh, that’s interesting. It is. It’s all about taking ownership of your emotions and not blaming others.
Like taking responsibility for your side of the street.
Exactly. And that’s where authenticity comes in. Expressing your true feelings instead of just thoughts disguised as feelings, that’s how you deepen connections.
And that circles back to those studies we talked about, where positive communication actually boosted people’s immune systems.
It’s all connected. Our emotional well-being, our physical health, it’s all intertwined.
It’s not just about feeling good. It’s about living a longer, healthier, fuller life.
Right. Exactly. And we’ve been focusing on the individual impact of connection, but Ornish also zooms out to the big picture. Like, what about society as a whole?
He gets into that too. What are his thoughts?
He’s concerned about what he calls the erosion of traditional communities, how technology can be both good and bad for connection.
It’s a double-edged sword, for sure.
Definitely. He even talks about places like France and Japan, where there’s a stronger sense of social cohesion. And guess what? They have lower rates of heart disease.
Interesting. So it’s like, our social structures, the way we live together, actually impacts our health. It makes you wonder if there’s something biological about all this. Like, are we hardwired for connection?
That’s a great question. And Ornish talked to Dr. James Lynch, who says that caring is literally biological. We might actually be programmed for connection.
It makes you think about the whole purpose of life, doesn’t it? Maybe it’s not just about individual success, but learning to love and connect more deeply.
That’s a beautiful thought. And it ties into Ornish’s ideas about self-awareness, understanding how we relate to others. He says our early experiences, especially in our families, really shage what we believe about love and connection.
He even shares his own struggles with intimacy in the book, right?
He does. He’s really honest about it, which I think is really brave. It makes his message even more relatable.
It’s like he’s in the trenches with us figuring it out alongside everyone else.
Totally. So if we want to build these deeper connections, where do we even begin?
That’s the million dollar question. What does Ornish say?
He talks a lot about commitment, like really committing to the people in our lives, to our work, to our own growth.
What’s about showing up, being present?
Exactly. He even talks about meditation as a way to cultivate that sense of presence and awareness that you can then bring to your relationship.
So it’s like mindfulness, being present in the moment with people.
You got it. He shares this beautiful story about a tribe in East Africa. When a woman thinks about having a child, that’s when the child’s life is considered to have begun. And throughout their life, they sing this special song to the child.
Oh, that’s lovely.
It is. And it’s like this constant reminder of their connection to the community. It makes you wonder if in our modern world, with all this emphasis on individualism, if we’ve lost something really important.
Yeah, like that sense of belonging.
Right. And maybe prioritizing connection is the key to a healthier and more fulfilling life.
Maybe that’s the secret sauce we’ve been missing.
Could be.
So we’ve covered so much ground already. We talked about the science, the personal stories, and even the bigger picture of how this plays out in society.
What were some of the other nuggets of wisdom Ornish picked up from the experts he talked to?
Oh, man, he had some amazing conversations. He talked to Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen.
I think I’ve heard of her. What’s her deal?
She’s all about the power of listening and really seeing people. She says judgment is like the opposite of love. It closes us off.
Like putting up walls.
Yeah, exactly. She really emphasizes this idea of listening generously, allowing people to be themselves and really remember who they are.
It’s like giving someone the space to just be without all our baggage and opinions getting in the way.
Right. And then there’s Dr. Larry Dossi. He’s done tons of research on prayer and distant healing.
Okay, now that’s getting into some interesting territory.
Right. And he’s proposing this whole new model of science that takes into account the interconnectedness of everything.
It’s like everything’s vibrating on the same frequency or something.
It kind of is. And it ties in perfectly with Ornish’s whole point about how we’re all connected and those connections are vital.
Totally. It feels like this deep dive has really taken us on a journey. We started with the science, then we got into personal stories and struggles, and we even talked about how this all affects society as a whole.
It’s pretty epic scope. But I think the main takeaway is that love and intimacy, they’re not just these fluffy ideas. They have a real impact on our health, on how we feel, on how long we live.
So where do we go from here? What do we do with all this information?
That’s the question, isn’t it? We can choose to live in a world that focuses on being alone, on competing with each other, on being afraid, or we can try to build a world that’s based on connection, on compassion, on love.
It sounds kind of idealistic, but I get what you’re saying.
Yeah, maybe it starts with us, like each of us making an effort to bring those qualities into our own lives.
So being more present in our relationships, communicating honestly, forgiving ourselves and others, all that good stuff.
Exactly. And remembering to take care of ourselves too, you know?
Yeah.
Nourishing our own hearts so we can give from a place of fullness.
Love yourself so you can love others, that kind of thing.
That’s it. And maybe, just maybe, like Dr. Remen said, the whole point of being here is to become wiser and learn how to love better.
It’s a beautiful thought. It really is. Well, that wraps up our deep dive into love and survival. I hope you learned something new and maybe feel inspired to explore those connections in your own life.
And remember, even small acts of love and kindness can make a difference. They can ripple out and create a more connected, more caring world for all of us.
Couldn’t agree more. So until next time, be kind to yourselves, be kind to each other, and keep those hearts open.
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